Chapter One: Journey of being their memory through the eyes of a Daughter/Granddaughter.

Memory locket

     It was a warm summer night when I first came into this world of ours 46 years ago and thus began my journey of life.  I was born to a wonderful and slightly dysfunctional family which for the most part keeps one on their toes and laughing in stitches most of the time.  It was not until I was 34 when we lost my Grandfather to cancer at the age of 88.  He was married to my Grandmother for 63 1/2 years which is amaze's my mind to this day because most of my generation is more likely to divorce before their tenth anniversary but there are those whom last and that is a beautiful sight to see.  My Grandparents were and still are the best two people in my world.  But it wasn't too long after Granddad's death when I began to notice that Grandma's mind was not as sharp as it used be but like most people you shake it off to old age.  It was several years later on a day that I shall never forget when she called me a liar that I realized illness began to show his ugly head.  My Grandmother never had doubted my word for she was well aware how much I hated lying and when she said that I was a flat out liar my world changed within one heart beat.  What happened?  Where was the Grandmother whom trusted me?   On her next Doctor's visit I was told she was showing signs of  of dementia which can lead to Alzheimer's.  It was the first step for my whole in our journey of Alzheimer's.

     Most feel that one my age cannot get Alzheimer's in truth any disease doesn't care what age, gender, race, or whether human or not.  All that is required is a body to spread through like wildfire.  Now it hit my our family targeting my Grandmother.  The first signs were so minor that one would not even think about it being dementia or having the onset of Alzheimer's.  As I research I learned that paranoia was part of this disease and some came her paranoia phase that hit like a ton of bricks.  That remained for the next ten years of her life until her death.  Her blank stares become the hardest to watch because it felt like a empty shell was just sitting there without anyone inside.  What made it harder for her was she keep losing her eyesight more and more as time went on.  The last four years of her life she moved across the way from us which I didn't like but yet I did.  It gave me a chance to have some time to myself but the thought of her dying over there all alone in that small trailer scared me.  I didn't want her to die alone because no one should die alone as long as there is someone that loves them near by.  Thankfully about three months before she passed we finally got her to move back in with us which was a relief.  Funny how I never thought that I could be around a dead body because I never felt strong enough to handle that but after Grandpa's death seeing him so peaceful not so bad as I thought but watching my Alzheimer's slow kill of my Grandmother was far harder then one ever realizes.

     Grandma would have good days where she seemed like her old self in the beginning but by the time of Granddad's 8th death anniversary those days were getting fewer and fewer.  I became the nice lady whom came over to clean her place and do her laundry.  I thought maybe this is due her not being able see well or able to hear me as well since her hearing was going on top of everything else.  Her blank stares came around more often and sensing the stillness with her mind at those times I felt helpless to pull her back into our world..  I was losing more and more of her which began my visual of wishing for her death.  Not something most people would think a person would go through for someone they love dearly in life but seeing them slowly die away you yearn to have them whole again and only death can do that.  It made me feel so cold that nothing can warm my heart again because I was wanting death to come for her.  My path as a empath also made it more difficult for me because I would sense her slipping away into a dark room without knowing how she ended up there making her feel all alone.

        Fast forward to January 21, 2011 my Grandmother finally rejoined her husband in death which was and still is bitter sweet.  She is now whole again and healthy but for us left behind we miss their voice, touch, and hugs.  I'm happy she now can see again and knows the whole truth but I'm sadden that I cannot see her in the physical body any longer.  I feel her and Granddad all around me each time I need them, their love grows stronger to let me know that is the one true thing that never dies.  She lived nine years after Granddad and the one true blessing she had was that she never forgot her husband of 63 1/2 years.  Most people forget their loved ones when facing Alzheimer's but she was fortunate to remember the love her life.

     I had to be her memory and through the family genealogy I could do just through the names and stories that go with them I can remember her life along with Granddad's.  My Genealogy keeps our stories alive long after we leave this Earth and that is one reason why I do it to keep them alive in this world a while longer.  Many may not think it is important but I want the next generation to know how lucky they are to be born to our family.  We walk on each day with their dna within our bodies so why not their memories of way back when you were not born yet.  I cannot think of a reason can you?  Hugs and until chapter two.