Chapter Nine: False accusations

False accusations!

     November 10, 2015 our phone rang out and life as we knew it changed again in the blink of an eye.  We learned someone (unidentified) made a report to adult service's accusing me, my Mother, and Brother of abusing my Father.  I was angry, upset, and bewildered at why would someone accuse us of doing harm to our loved one.  In honesty I can tell you that my Father and I have never had a good relationship but it isn’t one that would warrant me doing physical or verbal abuse to him.  Abusing someone makes me sick to my stomach and anyone who does abuse another should be placed in a jail cell.  They are not someone I want to be nor do I condone any family member who does commit abuse.  I am more then willing to turn them into police if they ever commit abuse of any kind.  My Father doesn't deserve to be treated like that and there are times I hate accidentally treating him like a child because of the dementia.  I hate how cruel others can be and I have done cruel things in my life.  Nevertheless, I don't anymore because the person I was then isn’t the person I am now.

          When Grandma started accusing me of things that were untrue and told stories that could have been true or not.  I won't ever know because she herself was unable to know what memory was false or true.  It hurt but my reaction to her false accusations was that I knew it wasn’t her  making the accusation.   A new person took over because the mind was losing the old one.  When she first accused me of lying I thought what in the world has gotten into you Grandma?  I did not know that was a sign of the storm yet to come but we hardly ever do see the storm coming our way.  In truth it was not what I wanted to experience or see that happen to someone who means a lot to me.  She encouraged me when I could not give myself that encouragement and the same with faith that I could do anything that I put my mind too.  Looking back, I think she could see that I was indeed my own worse enemy.  Unfortunately I am still very much my own worst enemy today and I'm not proud of that fact.  I sit here day after day trying to escape the reality that is going on only a few feet away from me.  But reality always comes along and says, 'you aren’t going to escape me for I have embraced your soul.'  'You whisper, ‘reality I wish you would go away, go away and never return.'  But that isn't the answer either because no matter how much you want to run from it, it is always waiting for you.

     I wonder if people truly realize just how much harm their words cause or even care if their actions cause harm.  I don't think many people do care these days and that is sad because the new generation is going to really be a cruel one.  We are already showing signs of a world where its humanity is slowing crumbling into ash.  This world is like dementia slowly crumbling away what we know without people noticing at first until we no longer can ignore the signs of it.  My Father never wanted to fight dementia nor did my Grandmother but that is where they found themselves at.  We can stop the deterioration of our world through changing the negative cruel words and actions.  The person who reported us may have thought what they were doing was for the best for my Father.  But they should have asked around to see if there was true evidence or just the mind of a person with dementia.  I hate how we just place a stereotype label upon someone without getting to know the truth.  This is the world we live but I am hoping through this blog to make small changes in my own world and I hope a light shines exposing the darkness.

     It has now been six months later and one simple piece of paper saying the case was dropped has yet to make its appearance.  The social workers said it would not take too long for a paper to come in the mail saying the case is closed but here we are still waiting on one piece of paper.  Until then I am going to be on my toes and try to protect my family as much as I can.  Dementia is taking my Father each day and I don't want the state coming in to take his physical being away either.  We suffered enough and now we must do what we can to be there for my Father.  Walking by each other's side through the rough times and the smooth times because that is what this family does.

Love & Light.

Chapter Eight: Brother's release..

Brothers in life and death.

  You were given three Brothers and one Sister in life.  You are the second child, second Son, and the one whom became my Father.  Now we have learned of your younger brother's possible passing.  I wonder just how much it is affecting you right now.  Can your mind wrap its self around the knowledge he may leave us before you do?

      October 31, 2015 he left you behind to struggle with the remnants of a shattering mind.  Do you mourn the loss of him?  I wish you could tell me how you feel because right now I cannot tell if you feel anything.  That isn't anything new because when your Father passed away you didn't express any emotions at all.  I haven't really cried for Uncle Monte yet but I think that is because I know his mind is again whole.  I desperately want yours to be that way too but the only way for that to happen is your DEATH.    Why does it have to be death that makes you whole again?  Why can't we find the cure tomorrow?  Why do dementia and Alzheimer's have to exist?  These are questions that no one can answer which makes my heart breaks into a thousand pieces.

   Memories of you two growing up are slowly fading your mind and mine of growing up with you as my Father.  Why is it I wasted so much time not building a close relationship with you?  It is too late now for the sands have slipped down into the abyss of our hourglass.  In a blink of an eye 48 years have passed us by without either wanting to repair this broken bridge of ours.  You and Uncle Monte were two of a kind that no one can replace.  Each time you two got together you both had to be right about every subject matter and the rest wanted to run away but we didn't.  We are going to miss those discussions and it won't be just because Uncle Monte is gone but part of you is already gone too.


     April 29th was Uncle Monte’s birthday and my Father thankfully didn’t ask my Mother to call him to wish him a Happy Birthday.  One thing about dementia is that you lose track of which day it is because you stopped wanting to know if today is the 1rst or 31rst.  I wished him a Happy Birthday as I do my late Grandparents because for me that is a way to say I love you and celebrate the life that had here on Earth.  I shall continue walking on Earth a while longer while trying to keep the memory of loved ones alive for as long as I take breath.  I love you Uncle Monte and I know you’ll soon see your Brother again but until then know we are taking good care of him.  Cherish them, you, and all of life even the bad patches of roads you walk for they make up who you are.  

Love & Light.